Alone

I've never minded being alone. I don't know if that's because I'm an only child and have spent a fair amount of time by myself or if it's just the person that I am. Frankly, there are plenty of times when I prefer to be alone. There is a certain amount of comfort in the freedom of being by oneself. I like both the anonymity of being alone in a swarming crowd of strangers in the city and the isolation of being alone when standing on a deserted lakeshore. I think most of all I like being alone because it rarely lets me down. I know exactly what to expect and don't have to be disappointed by raised hopes. It is heartbreaking to be with people, to share time with them, and yet feel completely alone. The pain is even more acute when those people are friends, people that one should feel at home with and enjoy spending time with. Perhaps I seek solitude because it's easier and I'd rather not face disappointment. Does that make me cowardly or practical?

Whatever happened to 'no take backs'?

It's the quintessential rule of all childhood games, "no take backs!!" I seem to remember it applying to all games regardless of whether it made sense or not. For example, a game of hide and seek with 'no take backs,' tag with 'no take backs,' kick the can with 'no take backs,' etc. I mean seriously, what is there to take back in hide and seek?! Children are curious creatures.

Anyway, the aforementioned job interview has been 'taken back,' if you will. Apparently, they can do phone interviews and since that is the case they don't need me to fly out there just yet. On one hand it's sort of a relief, on the other it's a little bit confusing and intimidating. I am glad that I don't have to fly out there on such short notice without being sure of how good of a chance I have of actually getting this job. I am curious though as to why they've changed their minds (or if they've changed their minds). Whatever the case, I'm still pretty excited about the whole thing. But I'll admit when I was reading the e-mail from them, the little impish child in my head was running around pouting and shouting "but no takes backs! no take backs!" and the impish almost-adult in me was wistfully thinking "whatever happened to 'no take backs'?"

Exciting news and close encounters of the squirrel kind

Today was unintentionally exciting . . . which sounds odd since I suppose we don't exactly go about having intentionally exciting days. Anyways, my point is that it was an exciting day.

Things started out pretty normally with a walk to campus to pick up box lids to use to pack up some of my bosses files then hopping on the bus to go to her place to pack the boxes. Then midday I had a brief phone interview about a job I'd applied for a little while back . . . and now they want me to come in for a real interview! I'm trying really hard to not get too excited about this but . . . I can't help myself. I wasn't really expecting to hear back from them in the first place so getting the request for a phone call was a big surprise. I'm not going to say anything else about it though, if I talk too much about it I'll just work myself up over something that will probably end up being nothing. The interview does involve flying across the country though so I hope that I have some chance of actually getting this job . . . because it would just be mean of them to make me fly across the country to interview if they're not seriously considering me.

To get back to my exciting day, when I got back home I got a phone call from the shop saying that there was a package for me there. I was a little confused as to why anyone would send me something addressed to the shop but it all became clear when my co-worker told me it was from Blythe! As a former employee there herself Blythe would know that even if I wasn't working the day it got there someone would call me about the package. So what was in the package you ask? Well, my birthday present of course! It's only two months late but no matter. I got some delightful peanut butter cookies and a handcrafted bowl made by the guy who sells his wares next to Blythe's farm at their farmer's market.

The excitement of the day wound down with an encounter with an overly friendly squirrel in the park behind my house. I was sitting on a bench having a late afternoon snack of a boysenberry milkshake (oh so delicious!) and french fries when I noticed that the squirrels that had been chasing each other around the nearby tree trunk had stopped chasing one another and were making their way onto the grass. One of them kept getting closer and closer to me. He's stop and rear up on his hind legs and sort of look at me and then take a few steps (or maybe hops since its a squirrel) closer. He was definitely eying my fries. The first couple of times I'd move he'd scamper off but never too far. Finally, he was within two feet of me and I had to shoo him off multiple times while lecturing him on the fact that he should not be that bold or unafraid of humans because it really wasn't safe for him. I can't figure out if he was too young to know better or if people have been feeding the squirrels so they're getting used to people. In either case its not very good situation, wild animals should be admired from afar and should lead their own wild lives.

The space between here and there

I'm about to dash out the door and off to work (and by 'work' I mean my play job not a 'real' job - I don't know why I need to differentiate but somehow it felt necessary after conversations that I've been having lately), but I wanted to post a short update to my life. So, still indecisive about my life I'm living temporarily with a friend/my boss. It was strange to get back from a short visit to Michigan and be staying in a place that didn't feel quite my own. I feel as though just I'm a visitor here, not only in my room but in Seattle too. Is that strange?

There is part of me that wants to run back to Michigan (not literally) and hide out in the house there, comfortable amongst all of my belongings and familiar surroundings. How can location be so important to a person? The only thing that has changed here is my actual living space, otherwise I live only a few blocks from my old apartment, in the same neighborhood, amongst all my familiar surroundings. Is it really so important to find a space and a place for oneself? I guess it is.