Indecision is my enemy

Yes, indecision truly is my enemy and yet also my constant companion. If I haven't mentioned it before, then I should make it clear now, I am very indecisive. At the moment I'm being indecisive about my own life, more specifically my living situation. My lease runs up the end of this month and I need to move out of my apartment. The plans that I had made fell through and now I am in the position of needing to decide whether I should rent a room from my boss, get a place of my own knowing that I may have to break the lease I sign, or find other people to live with who I can't make longterm living commitments to either. The reason behind the indecision is that I don't know where I'm going to be in two months time, I may still be living here in Seattle or I may be in another city or even another country. Basically I will be wherever I get a job and since I haven't committed myself to staying in Seattle that could be anywhere. Admittedly, life would be easier if I just decided to stay here in Seattle but . . . well, I'm just not sure that I'm willing to limit myself to the Seattle job market. They say that the world is my oyster and I'm taking that to heart . . . foolishly, perhaps. Anyway, comments and suggestions on the subject are welcome.

And in case you were in doubt, I am back in Seattle now. Having not posted in nearly two months you might think I was still in Kobe, but no, I was only there for 10 days.

Somewhere between hot and not

So, I flew into Japan last night and am now back at home in Kobe. It's been a while since I was in Japan in the summer, a conscious choice on my part since I'm a wimp when it comes to humidity. I had been hoping that since it's still pretty early in the summer the humidity wouldn't be so bad but that was wishful thinking. It's not as humid as it could be but it's still humid, enough so to make it feel warmer than it actually is. The temperature actually feels like a bizarre halfway point between being lukewarm and hot, if that makes sense. It's not a searing crisp heat but a heat that seems to hang in the air, like the heat of a sauna or, closer yet, the heat you feel when you're soaking just your feet in hot water for an extended period of time.

Anyway, besides the heat, things are chugging along at a rapid pace without time for me to consider jetlag. Since my trip is so short, I'm carrying a very full schedule which is, I think, a good thing since I'll be making the most of my time here. And so I go to start my day full of things to do and people to see.

Catastrophe avoided . . .

But let me tell you, it was a close shave. My roommate didn't return my calls or get my e-mail. I ended going back to my apartment, saving my paper on my flashdrive yet again, and trekking back to school (all in the span of 30 minutes!). The formatting was all wonky so I had to edit before printing but I had the warm printed pages in my hands as I ran up to the faculty mailroom just in time to stop them from locking the door! So, my paper is in my prof's mailbox . . . safe and sound. And so catastrophe was avoided . . .

Oh catastrophe!

Okay, so maybe catastrophe is a little over the top but I feel like I'm pretty close. I'm supposed to be submitting a paper in 45 minutes. I brought it on my flashdrive to school to print it out only to discover that I didn't actually save it to my flashdrive . . . dum dum dum!! I would be panicking if I weren't so disgusted with my own stupidity. Now, I'm trying to get a hold of my roommate so she can e-mail my paper to me from my laptop. These are moments when I really, and I mean REALLY, wish she didn't always ignore her phone. Let's hope I get a hold of her in time!

Oh, the sweet smell of success

Seriously though, if success had a scent what do you think it would smell of? For me, it would smell of warmth, rich spices, a hint of citrus - preferable oranges, and a dash of vanilla.

So, I finished my MA theses defense about 45 minutes ago and am now officially the holder of a MA in Japan Studies. I was so nervous before and during the defense that I'm having a hard time recalling what I was asked and what I said in response. I'm sure once I've settled back down to normal adrenaline levels I'll remember though.

What next, you ask? Well, now I should finish work for my classes that I'm currently taking . . . however, I've fallen slightly behind in that and have doubts of my being able to turn anything in on time. But I'm not going to let that rain on my parade . . . even though it will perpetuate that gnawing nervous sensation in my stomach for a while until I'm actually finished with everything. Perhaps I should find some sustenance to alleviate the stomach nerves temporarily . . . a digestive distraction, if you will.

Nerves

So, tomorrow is a big day for me. I defend my Master's theses (yes, that would be "thesis" x 2) and have my comprehensive oral exam. It's only scheduled to be an hour long and my advisors have both said that I should be fine but I can't help but be nervous. This is the culmination of all my work for the past two years and it boils down to one hour . . . I think a case of the jitters is called for, don't you? We'll see how it goes, I'll keep you posted.

Multiracial in America

Because this is who I am . . .

Multiracial in America
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24765917

Lists make life easier

It's not so much that I forgot that I had a blog but . . . well, yes, from time to time I forget to keep this going.

Things that I've been thinking about the last couple of days:

1. The intoxicating smell of lilies that wafts through the living room. Even though there are only a few of them in the bouquet on the table, they manage to permeate the whole room. As I sit on the couch, I'm bowled over by their musky scent and for moments on end I am lost in that smell and can think of nothing else.
2. The comfortable coolness of the evening air as it pours through the window. Now that the days get warmer, the contrast in temperature between day and night is once again comfortable and that is a true sign of summer.
3. The uncomfortable reality of needing to find gainful employment. Apparently I can't be a student forever.
4. I miss my friend Casey. Sydney really is too far away from Seattle.
   
5. I'm really not looking forward to next Tuesday because that's the day that I have the oral defense of my thesis (x2), I need to submit my final paper for one of my classes, and then I need submit written reflections on all the reading assignments for my other class. That's a lot of organized work to turn in on one day.

That's my story lately . . .

April showers bring May flowers

The weather is crazy out here. It snowed - yes, SNOWED - over the weekend. We've already had crocuses, daffodils, cherry blossoms, tulips, and weather in the high 60s and then it snows?! I don't think this is what they had in mind for 'April showers.'

Falling off the wagon

The title is self explanatory and I apologize to those of you who are faithful readers. Life has been (and still is, really) just a little crazy over the past month. Here are some short lists to illustrate the current state of affairs in my life . . .

Things I should be doing:

1. Working on the glossary for my boss' book
   
2. Reading about early Mahayana Buddhist scripture
3. Reading about postwar Japanese history - yes, it's broad but I haven't looked at my syllabus since the class started so I have no idea what I'm supposed to be reading at the moment. "Bad form young lady," you say? Yes, I would agree.
4. Writing up thesis number 2 . . . yes, there are two to be written
   

Things I'd like to be doing:

1. Finishing up the knitted T that I started just before spring break
2. Baking cookies for Sarah's birthday - 'cause I ate all the cookies I initially baked for her
3. Watching the rest of Season 4 of The West Wing - I love the public library!
4. Knitting of any and all sorts
5. Shoe shopping

What I'm actually doing:

1. Posting
2. Contemplating how much longer my laptop will survive (it's almost 5!)
3. Making unrealistic plans to get up early tomorrow and go to the library to do work
4. Ruing MS Word and it's malfunctioning ways
   

My reality is so far off from where I should be . . . if only there were a couple extra hours in the day and laptops (or cash) grew on trees.

More snippets

I should write about this before I forget. I had a most fantastically strange dream the day before yesterday. The strangeness isn't unusual, if you've know me for any amount of time then you'll know that my dreams are all quite bizarre. So, without going into the entire dream I'll just tell you all how it ended and the particular bit that my roommate found hilarious in my recounting of it.

"So, her mom walked up the stairs and onto the roof. And we just knew inherently that she wanted us to empty all the food out of our tupperware onto the ground below to make a trampoline for us to jump down onto. "

It's not the strangest dream I've had but it's up there. That bit sounds crazier without the context of the rest of the dream but it just gets too long. But be rest assured that the necessity of a trampoline was real. In case you're curious, the food in the tupperware was linguine and green beans . . . and lots of it too.

Snippets

I love the small pieces of conversation that can be overheard when walking about campus. A priceless piece from this morning.

"Hi Ryan, I just finished writing a 16 page paper on Nancy Drew."

Now, if I were in the children's literature section of the library or the school of education or anywhere else where children's literature would be a topic of academic conversation this might not seem so odd but I overheard it while walking through the halls of the Computer Science & Engineering Building. The nature of computer science must have really changed since the last time I looked into it.

Politics and failure

Yes, it's the middle of the night and yes, I should be sleeping but it's my favorite time of day to catch up on my blog reading. I'm busy following everyone else's political commentary. I must admit that I haven't quite made up my mind about who I'm supporting this time around. The Washington Caucus was over the weekend and many of the candidates were in town. I had several students miss section on Friday because they were going to hear candidates speak. For most of them I was quite happy that they were off having such a great experience and I look forward to what they have to tell me about it. There was one student however (who has yet to show up to any of his sections) who blithely wrote me an e-mail to say he had missed section to go to the Obama rally and had he missed anything important. Anything important?! "Um . . . dude, you're failing this class right now, why don't you try and change that?"

Catharsis in sadness and heartache

There are moments in life when pain and heartache are fitting. Right now all I want to do is lay down, listen to heart-wrenchingling sad music, and let the sadness overpower my limp inert body. I want the heartache to swallow me whole and embrace me in its cold but familiar arms. Is it odd that I find it easier to be utterly devastated than to be happy? That here in this sadness I feel more 'in place' than anywhere else. That this is the emotion in which I seek solace and at times peace. Is it odd that I revisit this emotion by choice for no particular reason at all?

If words were images

It seems mildly pointless to share this since you can't see it and I can't get a picture of it but none the less . . . at this moment there is a perfect halo cloud above the peak of Mt Rainier, as though the mountain were somehow being angelic. The mountain is covered in snow but with the sunlight raining down on us today it can't be seen. Instead the whole mountain looks a misty blue lost in the haze. Even though it is bitterly cold for Seattle I'm not going to complain because the sun is out and that doesn't happen so often around there this time of year.

Sparklyland meets creamland

Oh dear, I haven't posted in an eon . . . over a month I see. Well that's unfortunate. Clearly I had more than enough time to post while in Japan since I was on vacation but there always seemed to be other things to do. And since getting back to Seattle my life has just been a whirlwind of activities and I really haven't had time to sit down and do anything sensible or productive. Needless to say my room is in a complete state of disarray and I can't find a thing.

I was feeling ever so motivated to post yesterday evening and was all set to do so but ended up watching a DVD instead and then crawled into bed because I had fallen asleep on the couch . . . a situation that I find myself in with increasing frequency, and it makes me feel like my grandmother.

So what was I so excited to blog about yesterday? I can't recall anymore really. Some snippets of conversations that were had in the apartment that were entertaining and interesting episodes from campus. What I do remember though is the Poetry on the Bus pieces that I had enjoyed on the bus ride home. I particularly liked If I Were A Bus and creamland. I think I too would like to go to "sparklyland," it sounds lovely wherever it may be. And "creamland," really need I say more? That is totally the place for me. The imagination of children is just so wonderful, isn't it? I think I like the worlds they create more than the world we live in.

It's story time . . .

So, I've been a tad slow in responding to Anne's tag. But she raises the excellent point that the meme writing will contribute to my ultimate and perpetual goal of procrastination. So here goes . . .

The original prompt:
Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

The story:

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

"That's strange," I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. "What the..." again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room.(FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up hungry. I rolled out of bed smacking my alarm clock that was singing Carly Simon and thinking to myself I have to stop eating pizza right before bed and then sleeping till noon. I must remember to change that station to something that will actually wake me.

Stubbing my toe on my boots on my way to the kitchen, I glanced sideways down the hall and caught the dead body out of the corner of my eye. (Wyldth1ng)

As I limped along, slipping on the melting applesauce and jumping when a shard of glass gouged my foot, I wondered what to do. I could scream or I could call for help or I could clean up the mess. Might as well yell: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Then there was a knock on the door. Why would someone knock so early in the morning? And so quickly after I yelled? (Jan)

I limped over to the door and looked through the peephole. 'Not again,' I thought, as I saw my annoying neighbor from across the street.

I opened the door and before I could say a word, she walked past me as though she owned the place. Immediately she began talking about what her precious son had done at school yesterday and how cute and precocious he was. "He's gifted, you know!" She exclaimed for the millionth time and then she turned to me and without pausing, said, "You know, you really shouldn't live all alone in a big house like this. It's creepy and look at this mess. You can't even keep it clean. You should think about getting married or at least hiring a maid." She looked down at my foot disdainfully. "And you're bleeding, too. You can't even take care of yourself."

She never lets me get a word in edgewise, so I really don't know why she always comes over. Maybe there's a good reason why her husband stays at work so late every night. 'He'd go deaf or crazy if he was around her all the time,' and with that thought I let out a short laugh.

Upon hearing that, she looked at me as if I'm the crazy one and said, "Do you think bleeding all over the floor is funny? And what is that smell? Did you leave apples lying around to rot? You're going to end up with an infection or worse and I'll find you dead on the floor one day, smelling worse than those apples."

I rolled my eyes and just as she was about to open her mouth again, a loud crash came from the kitchen. (Infinity^2 a.k.a. Garlic)

She made a beeline toward my kitchen and I trailed behind her. 'It really doesn't phase her that someone might want to investigate their own household commotions without her nosing around, does it?' I'd have preferred that she didn't see the day old applesauce and broken jar on the floor but there wasn't any avoiding it now.

"This is awful! I mean, it's practically a sty! How long has this mess been here? And you really shouldn't put your dishes down so close to the edge of the counter. Otherwise it's just a matter of time before you break all of your dishes. This is why you need to get a maid or a man."

'Oooh! She makes me irate! IRATE! I find her presence distasteful but her man-or-maid solution to life drives me bonkers! I could just reach quickly into the pantry and grab an extra-large jar of pickles and break it over her head. The headline of "Death by pickles" would almost be worth it.'

I push past her to look at the broken shards of plates on the floor. 'Why did he have to go for the nice dishes? I liked them. And I'll never be able to reassemble a set like this again . . . but then again he knows that and probably picked to break these ones on purpose.' Defeatedly, I sigh. "Well, I suppose I was a little careless in putting them down. Um, I'm going to clean this up now. Why don't you come back later." (Jen)

So, who do I tag . . . for now I'll say . . .
Bethany (as she curses me from the other room, I can't imagine why *evil grin*)
Derek

Letters unsent, words unsaid

愛しい君に書く手紙
久しぶりに手にとる筆　

いつか書いたあの詩
覚えてるかな

天から降り落ちてくる星
見上げる淡いブルーの空

君のために書いたつもりはなかったけど
結局はそうだったかもね　

君を思うと欠けたハートは
一昔に知っていた「愛」を思い出し

寒い星空の下でも
暖かく微笑んでいる

君におくる言葉
心をこめたこの気持ち

愛情ではないこの気持ち
それが君におくる言葉
それが君に書く手紙

It's SNOWING!

So, yesterday we had our first snow of the season here in Seattle. I think it was entirely appropriate that it was on the 1st of December. Bethany and I went for a walk in the park to enjoy the snowy scenery.

The view from our apartment.

Photographing the photographer, squared.

Bethany doing cartwheels in the snow.

Oh, the futility. It's as though they're mocking my shortness.

So, you get the idea - a fun time was had by all. I stole these pictures from Bethany but I'll get my own up eventually . . . sooner rather than later I hope.

Um, random info

So, did you know that duct tape is actually completely useless in repairing ducts? I was a little surprised upon learning this. I mean, why is it called duct tape if it's not actually used on ducts?

In case you're wondering where I'm getting such random information and why I'm pondering such thoughts, well I was listening to the podcast for this past weekend's "Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me" - have I mentioned how much I adore NPR? *smile*