Life, location, and disillusion

Sometimes I wish I were anywhere but here. At times I wish that I had a different life with different friends just to know what it was like. And then there are times when I wish I had a different life because I become disillusioned with what I have. Would life be different if I weren't here? Would the disillusion be less potent in a different place or in a different life? Probably not, but I still wonder.

Just follow your nose

I'm sick and tired, literally. I've caught a cold and my nose, throat, and even my ears hurt. It's that painful feeling as though someones run a cheese grader all over. My nose is running left and right and I can't go anywhere without my hankie. Which brings me to ask, why don't they make hankies out of softer material? And why hasn't anyone thought of the already-worn-in hankie . . . or perhaps the distressed hankie (since that's basically what distressed jeans are, right?)? Is that my next calling, to become the inventor and distributor of the distressed hankie? A tempting thought since I do like handkerchiefs but I don't know that everyone else likes them as much as I do.

Another question I've been pondering over the last couple of days, why does the sun feel so much warmer when it's shining on your back? Have you noticed that?

Homework is the enemy

In this moment I hate Japanese, not the language itself but . . . well yes the language, but more my language class and even more specifically my homework. In other words I hate homework, big surprise. It's just that it's particularly difficult today and I feel like my head is going to explode. We have to answer some mock job interview questions. These are questions that I have trouble answering in English let alone in Japanese, where my ever diminishing vocabulary (use it or lose it, and I'm losing it) puts me at a huge disadvantage. Ugh! UGH!

I hate that this is what bilingualism gets boiled down to, or more precisely it's what my bilingualism gets judged upon. I can talk about random unrelated topics for days but when people ask me serious questions I'm stumped, mostly because I want to express myself in a certain way (it's the latent perfectionist streak in me) but get all tongue-tied and can't, which makes me frustrated, etc etc. You get the picture.

In my head I keep urging myself on by saying, "This will be helpful in the future. You'll really need this." Sadly enough that is probably true of this, unlike many of the other things that I study in school. But I still don't want to do it . . . can't I just say the dog ate my homework and be done with it?

Dreams are weird

Highlights from my dream last night:

1. Being dive-bombed by a hooded, caped chipmunk
2. A life-threatening lack of dental floss

Need I say more?

Resolutions

I know it's already half way through January but I figured I can still discuss New Years resolutions since it's only two weeks into the new year. To be honest I haven't really been making resolutions for several years now. I never seemed to follow through on them, mostly because they have usually entailed making myself do something I really didn't want to do. Don't resolutions tend to be like that? How many people resolve to lose weight, stop consuming something like chocolate, meat, or soda-pop, or perhaps cut down on sugar, and then there are the work-out resolutions and drink more water resolutions, etc etc. I mean really aren't these things that we don't want to do or find hard to actually make ourselves do? I figure I need more motivation than the mere changing of a year to make big, hard changes like that in my life.

So, this year I decided to make resolutions that would be easy to follow through on because they are things that I actually want to do but just haven't been able to do a lot of lately.

Resolution #1: Go to more rock shows.
Resolution #2: Drink more good beer.

I kept it down to two simple resolutions. And what do you know, I'm already following through on my resolutions. I've already been to a rock show and I've definitely had more beer in the past 2 weeks than I had in the last 3 months of last year. So, I feel like my theory on resolutions is working out well so far. Plus I get to feel good about myself for following through on something as well as for doing things that make me happy - it's a win win situation.

Happy Birthday Blythe!

Happy Birthday Blythe!

I hope you had a sweet day even without birthday cake. And one of these days we'll actually spend one of our birthdays together, no?

It was such a gray day, such funny light, but lovely as Paris always is. I hope we get to go again some day (and perhaps next time my shoes won't fall apart!), since there's no one I'd rather explore Paris with than you. Besides, who else would indulge me with ice cream on Ile Saint Louis in the middle of winter? Miss you terribly.

Plunger . . . I love you, I love you not

It's been a long night, at least the last couple hours have felt that way. I've been wrestling the toilet, not literally . . . well maybe literally. The toilet is a little temperamental and I've been working away with the plunger. It's not a particularly pretty scene but it's reality. Well, the true reality is that dear Anna dropped several bobby pins and a pair of tweezers in the toilet a while back and let them get flushed instead of picking them out. The plumbing hasn't been the same since but there's no point crying over spilt milk. I'm debating whether to call a professional plumber or not. After all, I can only play plumber for so long before I lose my temper and start flinging the plunger at the kitchen sink. Maybe if I had a pretty plunger like this being an amateur plumber would be more fun.

Do I ever learn? Apparently not.

So, two hours ago I was all primed to do homework and be super prepared for class tomorrow but has that happened? Of course not. Instead I've been putting together a birthday package for a friend, eating chunks of chocolate from my hidden stash, wandering through cyberspace, and contemplating blogging. I'm also contemplating a brewery crawl, cutting my own hair, writing fellowship essays, and knitting mittens - although not necessarily in that order.

In other news the house two doors down from us has been replaced by a giant pit. That's right a pit. They tore the house down in a matter of hours (which left me somewhere between awed, impressed, and disgusted) and after the bulldozer-crane machine worked at it for a couple days all that remains is a double tiered pit. It's not entirely clear what's going to happen to the space (my vote is for a swimming pool, I mean they've already dug the hole right?) but I'd guess that they're building mini-apartments which means even more people to compete with for parking. Does that sound cynical? Well, what can I say, I'm cynical girl in a cynical world.

Another cynical procrastinator, exactly what the world needs.

How have I lived without technicolor afro dogs?

This just gives me the giggles, and it's even funnier if you understand Japanese (although it's still pretty funny even if you don't get the subtle comic nuances that are in Japanese).

Snow, sugar, knish?

While everybody else back east (or really back 'mid-west') is basking in the glow of uncannily warm weather - except for the very few ruing the un-wintery climate - here in Seattle it is freakishly cold. It snowed today . . . twice apparently, once in the morning and once in the evening. The evening snow was lovely, I was out walking at the time. There were nickle and dime size flakes of fluffy sticky snow that clung to everything and made the world look all winter wonderland-ish, like it had all been turned upside down and dipped in a sugar bowl. I love sugar . . . .

In other news, I reached a certain level of baking triumph. I made some rather tasty knishes. I think I've discussed my love of pocket like bread or dumpling foods and knishes fall into that category. My knishes had potatoes, broccoli, and onions inside and were simply delicious. I haven't quite mastered the wrapping up part so there was a bit of excess dough on top but that didn't bother me so much. The only tragic part about them was that in my hurry to eat them, I burned the roof of my mouth on the potato filling which was quite hot. Despite my food related injury I persevered and kept eating, really I couldn't stop which should probably be attributed to sheer stupidity instead of anything resembling perseverance.

Happy New Year!

It's just another gray morning here in Seattle but I'm sure in other places it's a fabulous new day full of sunshine and warmth, so much more welcoming of the new year. Why didn't I decide to go to school in a warmer climate?

Usually I party up New Years in style, mostly because I'm in Japan and New Years is a major holiday there, perhaps even the major holiday of the year. This year though I spent a quite and uneventful New Years sitting on the floor of my living room doing work and watching Emma. There's nothing like editing syllabi and Jane Austen to ring in the New Year. I'll make up for the lack of partying some other day I'm sure, but for now I'm content to go for a walk in the neighborhood and admire the empty bottles of cheap champagne laying in peoples lawns.

I miss central heating

So, I'm back in Seattle already. My two weeks in Japan went by all too quickly. And now, I'm left struggling with jet-lag in my oh so cold apartment. The trick with jet-lag is to force yourself into a normal sleeping pattern. But that's easier said than done . . . after all when I got back yesterday I made myself stay up until a 'normal' bedtime and then ended up sleeping for 16 hours! I've probably made my jet-lag even worse. It just means there will be more nights of puttering around the apartment in my PJs with cups of tea . . . much as I am doing now, puttering around in my slippers, wool socks, a scarf, and a sweater. Have I mentioned that it's cold in my apartment?

Yeay it's Christmas! Now let's eat cake . . .

That's right, in Japan Christmas cake is a big deal. I don't really know how it got started, possibly a European influence since its more common to celebrate with Yule Logs in Europe and the Japanese Christmas cake phenomenon could easily be an offshoot of that. Anyway, cake is big on Christmas here. In years past I've had every intention of getting the order forms and fliers advertising said cakes to prove that this really happens here, it's not just a crazy story I'm telling about Japan. But I never manage to do it, mainly because I get back to Japan too late in the season . . . apparently the week before Christmas is terribly tardy in the game for the true connoisseur of cakes. But this year dad and I decided to get a cake of our own. I managed to snap this shot of the lovely cakes in the case while being jostled by the little old ladies rushing to get bargain priced cakes. Last minute cakes sometimes go for half price, after all who wants a Christmas cake on the day after Christmas?

And this is our very own cake. You may have noticed that it's a strawberry shortcake. It's a little strange since strawberries aren't natural winter fruit here either but I guess that's what looks pretty on a cake. The little Santa is a completely edible sugar creation. It's hard to convey the size of the cake through the photo since there's nothing to compare it to but it's about the size of a small paper plate, a rather petite cake by American standards. There were some other equally lovely cakes in the case next to this one but I couldn't even get close to take pictures, Japanese grannies can be quite pushy and all elbows when it comes to a bargain!

Time is so elusive

So, I thought that winter break would mean more time for me to do all the things that I usually want to do but don't have enough time for like blogging, baking, writing letters, reading fun books, and knitting. But have I done any of those things? No. My blogging has been minimal, I've been getting lots of tasty baked treats from other people (thanks Kleo and Naomi!) but haven't made any myself, I haven't written a single letter (not even email!), I read one book on the airplane but that doesn't really count since it was particularly fluffy, and I left my knitting needles in Seattle since I didn't want to have to worry about traveling with them. The lack of knitting needles is particularly aggravating since my fingers have been itching to knit since it got cold outside. Now, all I want to do is knit socks and gloves! What do they say about the pastures always looking greener?

And have I mentioned the leaking ceiling? Ugh. In any case, the ceiling is still leaking. The building maintenance people apparently can't get to it until this weekend because they need to open a hole in our upstairs neighbor's wall and the only time they're available is this weekend! In the meantime we have to live with the sound of dripping water, a bucket in the middle of the hall, and newspaper all over the place. Bugger, bugger, bugger!

So, what am I doing with my time . . . that's a good question that even I can't answer. I spend a lot of time sleeping and puttering around the house in the middle of the night, oh the beauty of jet-lag. That's about it.

Feeling wonky

So, the trans-Pacific flight has been completed and I'm back in Japan, how lovely. It's strange isn't it, the whole idea of "flying" in a giant metal tube - after all that's basically what an airplane is. Much like how driving is sitting in a large metal box that you really don't have as much control over as you would think. Anyway, there was bizarre side-to-side turbulence during the flight and someone actually screamed! Usually there's just a collective gasp . . . equally strange. I was just happy that the food was identifiable and not just a dish of indistinguishable goo. And the fact that none of my luggage got lost was an added bonus.

What can I say about being back in Japan . . . well I've already been out to a delicious lunch, Indonesian food in Ashiya. As soon as I got home yesterday the ceiling started leaking in the entrance way. So now I get to talk to the building maintenance people - Dad's thrilled I'm sure since its one less task in Japanese he has to stumble through. Really, the leak is ridiculous. There's a bucket in the middle of the entrance! And newspaper wadded up in the corners to make sure it doesn't soak through the carpet. Ugh!

Jet-lag is making me feel extra wonky, this is in addition to the wonki-ness of not having had a proper meal or a proper night's sleep in close to a week because of intense paper writing and self seclusion associated with said writing.

Crash and burn Mondays . . .

I'm back! Where have I been? Well, nowhere really. I've just been sequestered in my room with my books for the last week and a half. It's the end of the semester and I was drowning in academic wordy garble. At the moment I'm functioning on 8 to 10 hours of sleep for the past 3 days. I know it's a far cry from the days of college when I would pull an all-nighter to crank out a paper but . . . well I really like my sleep and I'm not as youthful as I once was. But I handed in my last paper at noon today and now I feel elated beyond belief. A million paperweights have been lifted from my shoulders and I'm walking on cloud 22 and a half. I even indulged in a shopping spree . . . gasp! I know! I'm a broke grad student, who am I to go shopping? Have no fear I'm not spending myself into debt or anything. I just got a couple of essential items for the long plane ride tomorrow - a book of crosswords and a novel.

So, Monday was when I was starting to hit 'crazy town.' My usually calm facade was starting to get a crazy eyed glow. And inside I was going absolutely nuts. So, after I decided that turning in a better paper late was worth the letter grade I'd be losing for its lateness, I went into fuzzy logic mode and decided that if I was going to be torturing myself through another night of paper revisions I could eat whatever I wanted. I came out of the store with a giant bag of Cheetos, a package of Safeway brand Oreos (which are called Tuxedos, I'm partial to the ones that have vanilla cookies with chocolate and vanilla cream inside!), and an antioxidant fruit smoothie. This isn't my usual diet . . . they're all things I would consider a bit of a treat but . . . well it was crash and burn, so why not?

Now I need to pack my bag for my trip tomorrow. There's nothing like 10 hours on a trans-Pacific flight with 300 grouchy strangers to round out the week.

Another roadside attraction

I was walking home today and happened upon the severed pant leg from a pair of jeans on the edge of the sidewalk. Just one denim leg, all by its lonesome. How did it get there? Why is there just one? Inquiring minds want to know. Any ideas?

I hope the reference to the Tom Robbins book isn't completely lost. It does take place in the Puget Sound area. And I have found that since moving back to Seattle my roadside encounters with unusual items has been increasing incrementally. A couple weeks ago I came across a wet suit nestled up to the curb, but somehow that didn't seem quite so strange since we do get a lot of rain here.

Rock shows and tooth decay

Yes, I'm cold and tired but I'm also basking in the glow of having gone to a rock show. I've hardly been to any shows since I've moved out here (it's a crying shame, I know) so it was a nice change.

Who did I see you ask, why Tapes 'n Tapes of course. They were playing at the HUB, a slightly odd venue since they were playing in a ballroom, but hey a show is a show and it rocked. Actually, it rocked a little too much decibel-wise and I wished that I had some earplugs . . . I feel old when I say things like that but then again there's no replacing my eardrums so I've gotta take care of the ones I've got. Anna was saying something along those lines about her teeth today, some sort of need to cut back on sugar because her teeth were hurting (FYI, Anna is a candy fiend!). She was freaking out because one of her co-workers told her about how he's already lost several teeth (literally lost, as in they spontaneously fell out and there was nothing he could do about it) to his love of candy and sugar. I think the damage may have already been done for Anna, not to mention I don't know if she can kick her sugar habit completely.

Anyway, where was I before I went off on that tangent . . . oh yes, rock shows. So, Tapes 'n Tapes is especially exciting because I can actually say I know someone in the band! I think watching a rock show when you know the musicians adds another dimension to the interest of the show, wouldn't you agree? Plus it's just nice to see people making a living at something that clearly makes them happy . . . they really looked like they were having a good time and that made me smile.

So, here's to the gentlemen of Tapes - a round of smiles. Show off those pearly whites before the sugar gets to them and they spontaneously fall out.

Snow in Seattle?

Yes, it's snowing in Seattle . . .

It's fiercely cold in that damp, soaks-through-to-your-bone kind of way that characterizes Seattle winters. There's a little drift of snow outside my front door and it looks so pretty against the bamboo and the red berries on the tree whose name I don't know. The snow is wet and sticky, and is clinging to the bamboo leaves. If I look at it through the small viewfinder box I've made with my fingers, I can pretend that I'm in the Chinese highlands and that at any moment a panda bear will come sauntering through the bamboo thicket. The daydream is short lived though as the neighbors whoop and holler as they revel in the falling snow. That's definitely not what pandas sound like. I can only look forward to tomorrow when it will be bedlam in Seattle - in a city unused to snow, even this little sprinkling will wreak havoc if it sticks around.

Run turkey run!

I have been remiss in posting lately, haven't I? What can I say . . . there has been an onslaught of work lately and my head is just too full of academic nonsense to post anything interesting, unless you'd really like to hear about the value of social capital in Japanese neighborhood associations or the role of the Japanese government in disaster management. I know, it's just riveting isn't it?

So, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is eating lots of turkey or its dietary equivalent if you aren't a carnivore. Personally I love Thanksgiving for the pumpkin pie . . . yum! I love pie.

On this auspicious day of giving thanks and eating, I'd like to discuss some foods of interest. In accordance with my love of pie, I also enjoy savory dishes with pie like characteristics such as calzones, knishes, empanadas, and pasties. Basically foods that are wrapped in bread or dough are good in my book, they're so handy . . . a completely encased treat for optimal eating convenience(there are some exceptions, notably the corn dog . . . it's just scary and slightly weird). I am particularly fond of the Cornish pasty, those of you from Michigan should know what I'm talking about since one of the Upper Peninsula's official tourist attractions is Cornish pasty consumption. I'm so taken by the pasty that I'm seriously considering going to the pasty festival in Calumet just so that I can have lots of different pasties without having to drive all over the place. Another food festival that I'm curious to see is the pawpaw festival in Ohio. Anna told me about the pawpaw and I'm very intrigued, its a fruit of the banana family that is native to North America. It looks odd but delicious at the same time. Its supposed to have a custard like texture, if it tastes like custard too I'm sold! So, is anyone up for a 'taste testing' roadtrip next summer?